August 2011
1 post
4 tags
Lying Louise: A biography →
lyinglouise:
I once got a key ring from the zoo that said the name Louise has Germanic origins and means ‘female warrior,’ while in French it means ‘victorious in battle’- this makes me sounds like some mental Xena Warrior type person, which I would only partly agree with. So in light of my zoo key ring…
October 2010
1 post
John Holburn
Yelling obscene, ridiculous stuff down a microphone at a video game, performing mad overtaking manoeuvres on the Bandit, chasing you up the road in your stupid little car, or voicing your hatred for those copper bracelets right in front of the man who’s selling them… You were a very, very silly man.
But you were also helpful, kind, and caring. You were always willing to lend a hand,...
September 2010
6 posts
1 tag
Moonlight
Before I decided to write about cars, I wrote poetry, short stories… other crap. It’s where my obsession with ‘flow’ comes from. Anyway, I’m sharing a bit. Enjoy.
Moonlight You lay across me in my bed, and I glowed like you. You twisted on my sheets, keeping me awake. Come morning you were gone. But you’ll be back. I know you visit other people, too. You let them...
1 tag
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Something else I hate...
While I’m in the ‘complaining’ sort of mood, I might as well whine about adverts.
Adverts on TV, specifically. Their purpose is to convince us to buy something, or use a service, or in some way give our money to the company which is being advertised, and that’s fair enough.
But some adverts have lost of sight of that entirely, and instead seem to be going out of their way...
1 tag
Today I hate football.
I often blog about things I like. Obviously. But sometimes I blog about things I hate, and today is one of those days.
Today I hate football. In fairness, it’s quite a good game. There’s a lot of strategy to a real game, and endless skill. Yet I still despite it. It’s a load of total and complete shit that shouldn’t be allowed to exist, and it’s all down to a select few people, who I will list...
August 2010
3 posts
raabhimself asked: JOHN
1 tag
My Dad
There’s something about every pretty sunset I see that makes me think ‘oil painting,’ and something about every empty bench that makes me think there should be someone sat there, an empty coffee mug resting on the armrest, etching rings into the woodstain. There’s that much to the influence you had on me. Everything would be better with you; you improved every day, even if with a joke that...
July 2010
1 post
Nissan Juke
If you saw me out and about you’d not think ‘Car hack!’ at all. You’d probably think nothing, or you’d think something mean and rude. My jeans look more like a tattoo than a garment and my hair is far too long. I also sport a shard of metal in my lip and a couple of ink splodges on my skin. I don’t even know if it looks good or what it’s supposed to achieve, it’s just happened, and it seems to...
June 2010
2 posts
5 tags
Stealth
Skodas. They’re there, on the roads, at this very moment. You won’t see them, because they’re so understated they might as well be fitted with a cloaking device, and you won’t hear about them, because they don’t go wrong.
Problem is, though, you might not really care about them. You might not care that the Skoda Superb is, actually, superb. It’s fantastically well built, has as much space inside...
4 tags
Coast to Coast - Road Trip
Since more than zero people responded to my Tweet, I’ve decided to put this together to outline the basic premise and idea of the coast-to-coast drive.
I wanted to celebrate the joy of open top cars, and to do a road-trip to prove how wonderful a car with no roof can be. What better way than to drive the Wainwright coast-to-coast route, taking in some of the very best scenery in the country? From...
May 2010
1 post
13 tags
Spark Unscheduled Tour →
I test the Chevrolet Spark, and interview the Mystery Jets in Newcastle. Enjoy!
April 2010
1 post
1 tag
The Hangover Cure…
After a night of alcohol fuelled carnage, you expect a hangover. It’s part of the deal, really. But you don’t WANT one. Nobody wants to have a hangover! A few weeks ago, I was offered a sample of ‘the hangover cure’ http://www.drinkthc.com/, on the condition I review it fairly and honestly. So here goes.
A package arrived from the USA. I opened it to find two vials, both black with red writing. A...
March 2010
10 posts
Gran Tourismo
Sunday afternoon, July. Country roads, mountain passes, scenic views… Perfect for drivers. But sadly, it isn’t to be, because of the other roads users; the tourists, Mr. and Mrs. Geriatric, the cyclists, and the farmers. They are far too predisposed by the blind, dying rabbits in the verge to go any faster than twelve. This is a top 5 countdown of the worst vehicles to get stuck behind on a Sunday...
Various new things on Stiff →
A few more news bits on Stiff this week.
To drive list
To drive list Started this list of cars that intrigue or me, or that I adore, or that I think are important in some way. This list merely skims the surface, I’ll add to it more and more. Maybe one day, I’ll have ticked every box…
Dacia Sandero Kia Soul Nissan Cube Renault Twingo Citroen DS3 Peugeot RCZ Ford Mondeo TDCi 175 Audi A8 Audi RS2 Ford Capri Mk1 Peugeot 205 GTi Nissan...
5 tags
Top five useless options.
I drive a 1996 Ford Escort. The mileage reads approximately 32,000. It’s probably accurate, but I can’t tell because the readout only goes to 99,999 then it starts again. The windows are manual, as is the ‘luxurious’ sun roof. The bumpers are black, and the boot doesn’t have a handle. This is OK, in my mind. But a few extras might be nice, and that brings me onto this top 5. It’s common practice...
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More recall ranting
Recalls Recalls Recalls.
If you walk down the street and ask someone what they’ve heard about vehicle recalls, they’ll talk about Toyota and their sticking throttles. They’ve read it in the news, seen it on the TV, and know all about how dangerous the issue is.
But interestingly, if you go to the VOSA website, (thanks to Simon Harris for pointing me there) you’ll find that since January 2010, 47...
Stiff Magazine feature →
Citroen SM has it’s 40th birthday today!
Nostalgia
Nostalgia is a funny thing. Cassette tapes were rubbish, unreliable things that deteriorated fairly quickly, and had poor quality sound. CDs were an improvement, and digital music is even better. So why is it that when I see an old cassette somewhere, I go all wobbly and think ‘Remember those!?’
It’s the same with cars. I wrote a Top 5 Rubbish Cars recently, and it really was just a celebration...
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News item - Stiff Magazine →
News item on record Prius sales I wrote for Stiff Magazine.
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Car Punk Top 5 →
A feature for Car Punk I wrote, Top 5 Rotary Engined Wonders. Enjoy!
Piece for Car Dealer Magazine →
Blog piece on Car Dealer Magazine about cars that shouldn’t have been scrapped.
February 2010
6 posts
1 tag
Perspective - The Toyoya Recall
The Toyota recall being dragged up over and over is getting ridiculous. Of course, it’s no good thing that a cars accelerator pedal can get stuck, but Toyota have spotted this mistake and are making excellent efforts to fix it.
But taking safety concerns into perspective, I would bet all my worldly possessions that the thicker, safer A pillars of modern cars have created far more accidents than...
Piece for Car Dealer Magazine →
News article for Car Dealer Magazine on the scrappage scheme.
6 tags
What did you just call me?
What did you just call me?
Manufacturers use all kinds of schemes to name their cars. Take Ferrari’s new 458 Italia. 458 stands for 4.5 litres, 8 cylinders. Italia fits nicely with the car because we all know that Ferrari means Italy. It all makes sense. Audi, on the other hand, are boring. They have a simple number, designating nothing other than where the car sits in the line-up. A1, A3, A4,...
More heart and Soul.
The Kia Soul has been around for over a year now, yet every time I see one, it still makes me want to be inside it, aged 8, playing armies. It has brutish, military styling, and that appeals to my inner kid. I want it to have a turret on top.
But before the Soul, Kia cars were never desirable. They were by no means bad, they were just dull. If you overtook one, you never took a second look, it...
Top 5 Rubbish Cars
Wrote this for up and coming motoring site CarPunk as a sample. Top 5 rubbish cars you still want. We’ve all done it. Flicking through the classifieds, we see something for under a grand, something old and uninspired. Something we hated when it was in production, but which now glazes our eyes over with nostalgia. They’re so cheap, so enticing, and suddenly the temptation to buy one is...
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Global Warming
Got a distinction for this piece when I used it for my access course.
Global warming is the increase of the average temperature of the earth’s atmosphere and oceans. Most people would tell you it’s caused by an increase in greenhouse gases caused by humans, and that unless we do something about our emissions, there will be a global catastrophe. They’ll tell you that the CO2 from our cars,...
January 2010
3 posts
Poetry
Cull thy xenophobia, I shalln’t alienate you with my eloquence. I may seem ‘holier than thou’ with my overbearing ostentation, But I alliteratively annihilate you all, not through anger, but for humour. I am no more a deity than you; I’m still nauseously effluvious, I can repel you with repugnant, revolting, rancid behaviour. I can bitterly belch brutality, my soul is so black. I lunge at you with...
Redemption
Submitted this to be graded as part of my access diploma. Got me a distinction! :)
It was a long, dry, dusty summer. Hosepipes were banned, and the normally torrential Swale was a trickle. My Mum and I had walked by it the previous week with the dog, and I’d discovered the stagnant pools were brimming with tiny fish. I knew I had to come back and catch them.
I didn’t really have many friends, I...